"True connection calms the nervous system; when we are present and grounded, we give others the space to find their peace."

The 4 R’s of NeuroConnect Parenting / Caregiver Framework for managing big emotions - This approach can be used in all environments from home to educational settings.  

It is also a framework for all conversations and should be used alongside the NeuroConnect approach, which is a way of being and understanding a child / young person. 

This bottom-up approach prioritises emotional safety, connection, and collaboration, helping children navigate big emotions with understanding and support.

Co-regulation before correction!

Children and young people often need to "borrow" an adult’s nervous system to regulate, feel calm, and manage their emotions. A regulated, calm adult provides a crucial anchor, helping them regain balance.

• Support the child in finding what works best for them—some may need movement, sensory input, deep breathing, or quiet time, while others simply need a calm adult to sit with them in silence.
• Less is more—respond with a low, slow, and quiet approach. Allow space for the child to regulate in a way that feels natural to them, honouring their individual needs and responses.
• Adults must also check in with their own nervous system: Are you calm, neutral, accepting, and non-judgemental? Effective co-regulation starts with an adult who can provide a steady, reassuring presence for the child or young person.

When a child or young person is dysregulated, they need to feel safe and understood before they can process anything else.

• A calm, empathetic approach reassures them that they are not alone.
• Use active and reflective listening to validate their experience without judgement: "That was really hard. I’m here for you."
• Playfulness, when appropriate, can help ease tension and strengthen connection.

Once the child or young person is calm, help them identify and name their feelings without judgement.

• Gentle prompting, visuals, and reflective language can assist in recognising the underlying need or reason that triggered their emotions.
• Acceptance is key—this means actively communicating that you acknowledge and validate the child's feelings, thoughts, internal struggles, desires, and hopes.
• The adult must also reflect on the underlying needs driving the behaviour, viewing it as a form of communication that reveals a deeper, more complex story rather than something to be "fixed."

Problem-solving should only take place once the child or young person is calm and ready. This may mean revisiting the conversation later, after they have had time to reflect and distance themselves from the raw emotions.

• Focus on exploring strategies that support the child in managing future situations. Reinforce coping skills and the resources they already have within themself. 
• Offering structured choices that respect both the child’s and adult’s perspectives.
• Consider and adjust the environment to address any underlying factors influencing the child’s behaviour, rather than viewing the child as the problem.
• Recognise that emotional safety, sensory needs, and external influences all play a role—when these are met, children feel more secure and supported.
• Keep the conversation child-centred, ensuring it remains non-judgemental, neutral, and validating of their experiences while recognising the deeper reasons behind their behaviour.
• The child's voice should remain central in these conversations. 

This compassionate, structured approach supports children in managing their emotions by prioritising connection, understanding, and collaboration. By fostering a calm, non-judgemental space, it helps children develop coping strategies while reinforcing their sense of security and trust with caregivers.

K Hartgrove (2022) This has since been adapted and revised based on current up to date research (April, 2025).